Home
by JaneCorvin
Summary: Imagine your OTP making the most sweet, gentle, pure, passionate, tender love. Bonus: They had been separated for a long time.
1. Chapter 1

"Maura."

"Oh." Maura exhaled. If you can even call it that. It was more of a huff of barely there air. Her breathing was shallow as she held the front door of her home open, allowing the brisk Boston wind to fill every space inside of the brownstone. Her entire body felt numb and for some reason that her big brain hadn't come up with yet, her eyes instantly filled with tears; her nose tingling like the beginning of a sneeze. Maura's hand was stuck, clutching the slippery metal of the door knob. She could feel her heart slow as the tears rose higher, blurring the beige and dark green shades of the unmistakable military fatigue in front of her.

"Maura. Baby."

"I…" The blonde's tongue felt so thick that she had to open her mouth wider to accommodate it. What a scene it must have been. Instead of rushing forward, laughing and crying she was stock still, mouth gaped open and eyes looking strictly at the dog tags around a long neck. Finally, she let her eyes drift higher. Jane. Jane. Rizzoli. Jane Rizzoli. Standing on her porch. Standing on _their_ porch with flowers in one hand and an apprehensive smile on her face that seemed more tanned than the last time she'd seen it.

"Jane?"

The sort-of-smile stretched across the brunette's face into a brilliant grin complementing bright eyes and that's when something inside of Maura broke. Her knees buckled and her hand slacked from the door, but that didn't stop her brain which was now rapidly picking up on what was happening. No. It was Jane. Right in front of her. Holding flowers for her. Not a machine gun for an insurgent. Her body suddenly lurched forward propelled by urgency as her knees neared the floor and she landed awkwardly in the soldier's arms. Her fingers greedily touched every part of the woman's jagged uniform. She nearly moaned at the combination of Jane effortlessly lifting her to her feet and the sound of her deep chuckle that she dreamed of every night without fault.

"Jane. You're home. You're home? Are you-…how did-…"

"Maura." Even Jane had a hard time uttering any word other than that name.

"But, it's December…it's Christmas. You're not supposed to be back until February."

Every single word was caught in the nape of Jane's neck as Maura pressed herself deeper into the other woman, half afraid she would fall to the ground if she didn't and half afraid that this would be another torturous dream. One where she would wake up hugging that ridiculously large teddy bear Jane had won her at the state fair the last time they were together. Over a year ago. But no, this was no stuffed animal. It was full of bone and muscle and smelled like Jane and wood and sand and god did it feel good as it held every part of her together.

"I'm home, Maur."

" yesyesyes." Tears streamed down her face as she nodded furiously repeating that one syllable over and over.

"Look at me," Jane said exhaling heavily as she let her long fingers bath in golden locks that were even softer than she remembered. "Maura. I'm home. I'm. Home." Hazel eyes frantically searched for meaning in brown eyes and when Jane raised her eyebrows she couldn't help but shake her head in confusion. "Come on." Jane simply laughed. "Use that big brain of yours." When Maura merely stared, tightening her hands around Jane's sides, the taller woman slightly pulled away with much protest. She took a deep breath before reaching up to her chest across from her heart to her name tag. Looking the love of her life in the eyes, she slowly pealed the patch away. Jane smiled as recognition graced Maura's face as she watched RIZZOLI-ISLES slide into the brunette's pocket followed seamlessly by matching dog tags.

"You're..."

"... _home._ " A resounding gasp sprang from Maura's throat as Jane simultaneously lifted her off of her feet and crashed her desperate lips into hers. The blonde hummed loudly wrapping her bare legs around the rough material adorning her wife's thin waist. Jane held Maura tighter, bunching and wrinkling the material of the short night gown in her hands.

"Mmm. My…my soldiers home. She's home." Maura whimpered at the feeling of being utterly Jane's as the soldier stepped inside the house, closing the door by leaning her back against it. "My soldier's home…"

Her breath was lost as Jane slowly lowered them both to the floor of the foyer, kissing along Maura's neck as her hands scoured her wife's skin like water rolling down a window pane. The smaller woman's breaths caught in her chest. Whether it was from the way Jane's entire arm wrapped around her left thigh, begging and screaming for this to all be real like _you're mine_ …like _baby stay here with me_ or the way she was sucking reverently on her pulse point like she might break was no never mind to Maura. The blonde couldn't help but bite her lip smiling at just the sheer _weight_ against her body that she hadn't felt in 19 months. Delicious was the only word she could think of that even remotely compared to the feeling of Jane pressing her harder and harder into the floor as her scarred hand raised her negligee higher and higher until she…

"Wait." Maura said hurriedly as panic began to rise in her chest. The feeling of Jane's hands as they caressed the inside of her thigh…something felt different. She reached down to grab Jane's wrist and she could tell from the groan and the slight resistance that she wasn't going to like what she was about to discover.

Her heart stilled as she brought the soldiers hand up to her face and the reason for all of this, her wife's sudden appearance, her being _sent_ home all came to light in the form of a pale still-healing scare in the middle of her palm. "What-" She stopped abruptly taking the other hand, still resting on her breast, into view only to find a matching scar. A silent tear slipped from her eye. "Jane." The brunette's eyes were pleading. For what, Maura wasn't sure, but without a second thought she brought one hand at a time to her lips and the brunette's head fell to the stomach under her. They sat that way for a long moment. Jane settled between thighs that wrapped around her chest as her head rested on her wife. Her hands were still lightly held in smaller hands perched close to Maura's heart.

The feeling of Maura trying to sit up roused Jane and she lifted her head pulling her hands away and placing them sternly on the blonde's hips and applying pressure.

"Jay."

"No, Maura, please. Not now okay. I just…" Dark eyes slipped closed as she slid her hands up under her wife's clothes all the way up to her rib cage. "Later. I promise. I just need to feel you."

The smaller woman's back arched involuntarily as rough hands cupped both of her breast, just resting there. Asking for permission. Asking for acceptance. "Then touch me, sweetheart." Another tear slipped from both of Maura's eyes as she reached for Jane's left hand. "Then, _really_ touch me." She didn't bother holding in her moan or her shudder as she guided the long fingers down her stomach and immediately inside of her. Her whimper was more of a choked sob of relief as Jane, savoring every inch, pulled her fingers out slowly and indulgently pushed them back in releasing a groan of her own.

"Maur." She whispered.

"Oh. G-God. Oh, God, I missed you. You're home."

"I love you. I'm home." Jane echoed. Her eyes rolled back in her head and she bit her lip hard at the feeling that was so…so _fucking_ familiar. The feeling of her wife tightening around her as she picked up her pace. Just like a prodigy picking up her instrument for the first time in years, Jane crescendo with the staccato breathes coming from above her. Just as in tuned as they always where, Maura squeezed herself all around Jane's fingers and smiled as she heard the woman moan in response, her curls falling from the tight bun at the base of her neck.

"Home." Maura repeated as her back arched off of the floor. Her hand tried to steady her but slipped from the sweat glistening her entire body.

"Home."

"I love you. H-Hom-Home." The blonde's eyes slammed shut as she struggled to hang on to her lover's back. She slid her fingers through any loop in the uniform that had taken so much from her as she finally, finally took _that_ breath.

Maura's stomach clenched as her back hit the floor. Her thighs trembled as the fingers still inside of her slowed, moving side to side, up and down, around in a circle; making sure not to miss one precious part of her. She tried to control her jerking hips as her soldier made her way up her body kissing every part of her, adding her moisture to the sweat soaked night gown tangled around her waist. Taking the woman's head in her hands, Maura gazed at her lovingly before raising her lips to press against dark brown hair. Then to her sweaty forehead. To the healed cut under her eye from the first tour. And finally to her lips.

"You're home."

Jane chuckled loudly as her wife repeated one of the only few phrases she'd said to her since she'd opened the door. "Yeah." Jane said bring the woman's hand up to her mouth and kissing the diamond that has been inhibiting her finger for the past four years. "For Good."

* * *

A/N: I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. I'm taking a few prompts since I have time to write now. So, if you have any send them my way. Oh yeah, don't forget to review and tell me what you think of this one.

Prompt:

Imagine your OTP making the most sweet, gentle, pure, passionate, tender love. Bonus: They had been separated for a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

"Absolutely, not."

"Maura."

"No."

"Baby," Jane chuckled and kissed the side of Maura's head. "But I have to pee. I'll only be gone for a minute."

"Would you like to know how many you've been gone already?" She asked. Jane hummed as she smiled and nodded her head. "Five hundred and seventy thousand, two hundred and forty. Plus another one thousand four hundred and forty, had it been a leap year."

Jane grinned into her wife's hair. "That's my smart girl. Now tell me all the negative effects that holding your pee can have on your bladder." Maura sat up on her elbow, contemplating with a serious face. Huffing she sank down into the bed again wrapping her arm back around her wife's bare torso and swinging her leg across her long tanned ones under the thin sheet.

They were silent for a long while. Jane waited motionlessly, allowing Maura a few more moments of just being. She looked over and out to the window. It was still dark outside, though she could see the beginning of the sun coming up over the trees. She moved her left hand down more under the side of her wife's body to pull her a little closer.

Maura softly kissed her shoulder. Leaving her lips there, she mumbled, "You've been gone too long."

"I know."

"I've missed you." Jane looked down to see Maura's eyes flutter closed with a pained frown on her face; eyebrows terribly creased and lips pursed like she was trying not to cry.

"Hey," she paused. Maura opened her eyes and focused on the three inch scar under her wife's collar bone from her second tour. She moved her finger over the now soft, glossy skin. "I'm here now. I love you."

The blonde finally let her eyes reach her wife's. Sliding her finger up the soldier's throat all the way to her lips, she kept it there as Jane kissed it once, then, twice. "Okay," she smiled scooting only a little across the bed with her leg still tangled with Jane's.

Jane took the reprieve and slid across the cool sheets until her feet touched the wood floor; something she hadn't felt in a while. When she walked to bathroom she did not look back. She knew that if she even glanced over her shoulder, that the sight of her naked wife alone in bed would deter her from taking care of her needs. So she made quick work, not even stopping to wash her hands. When she reentered the bedroom, she stood on the precipice of the entry way and watched the doctor pitter around the room.

She smirked. "I thought you wanted to cuddle all day."

Maura whipped her head around. "I do," she assured quickly. Dropping Jane's uniform pants onto the chair in the corner, she half jogged over to the woman's fatigue jacket and shirt. "I was just…" She folded them and placed them near her pants on the chair. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, she shrugged her shoulders. "I didn't want them to wrinkle."

"Well," Jane mocked, walking over to the end of the bed. "Won't have much use for them anymore."

"No," Maura walked up to the soldier, turning to wrap one arm around her neck. She lifted one of her legs up and Jane responded quickly as the woman jumped up in the air trusting Jane to catch her. And she did, carrying her to the top of the bed bridal style. "I guess you won't."

The brunette laid Maura down, climbing on top of her. She stretched out over her, keeping her arms locked and her body in a push-up position. "Not," she kissed her neck. "A single," she kissed her eyebrow. "Minute," she sucked Maura's bottom lip between her teeth. "More."

The blonde reached around to her wife's sides and attempted to pull her completely on top of her, but she held her position stronger making sure their bodies didn't touch. Tilting her head to the side she kissed her back like Jane's lips were an aphrodisiac. Sliding her hands up her strong back, Maura latched onto her shoulders and again attempted to pull her down onto her.

"What are you doing?" She pulled back to see Jane looking timidly down.

"Nothing. I just…um," She held her position with one hand and pushed back her hair with the other. Maura marveled at the strain in the bicep of her wife's left arm. "I don't want to squish you."

"You didn't seem to mind that last night."

The soldier's cheeks reddened. "Yeah, well. I was a little…ya know."

"Hmm. I do know," Maura said softly, then bit her lip.

"Maura," Jane groaned trying to hide her face behind her hair that had fallen back in her face.

Shaking her head, Maura touched her cheek. "You've never hurt me before, sweetheart."

"I'm more solid now."

"Right." Wrapping her legs around Jane's waist Maura used her legs to pull Jane's pelvis all the way down until it surged against hers; fitting perfectly and making her sigh. "I've noticed that, too." She laughed.

Jane's brown eyes raised to meet Maura's as she caved and let her body sink into the one beneath hers. She stared at Maura as the blonde tried to grind against her, pushing and pulling, but stopping when she registered the look on Jane's face. She raised her eyebrows questioningly but remained silent.

"You're so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?" Maura's only response was to grin brightly seconds before pulling Jane into a kiss. Finally. _Finally,_ the soldier began to move her body against hers and she let her head fall back to the pillow. Sighing heavily Maura opened her mouth to breath. Thirteen months she'd been without this feeling. Thirteen months. Lacking the love of her life pressed against her was like not having oxygen in her lungs. The longer Jane was away the more her brain lacked the oxygen and she could feel herself falling into unconsciousness. But this surprise….she could finally breath and she was taking full advantage of it.

"Stay with me, Maur."

"I'm…" Maura squeezed her eyes shut and lightly dragged her short nails along Jane's bare back. "Jane."

Jane glided quicker. The blonde released a pleasant quick gasp as Jane pressed her head into the nape of Maura's neck, raised herself up a little and desperately rolled her body deeper; making sure to latch onto one of Maura's thighs for leverage. "Maur."

"Here. I'm right-God. I'm right here, Jane." She could feel Jane's body shaking with the effort of getting Maura closer. One hand between Jane's shoulder blades and the other buried deep in her brown locks Maura pressed her lips to the side of Jane's head. With one breath left in her, she whispered into her ear, "I'm cumming, Jay." Jane groaned loudly as she felt the cool air hit the fresh scratches Maura had etched into her back as she whimpered, throwing her head back.

She slowed her movements, but didn't stop until Maura's grip loosened. She stayed there in the woman's embrace. She held on tighter than she ever had before and smeared the tear that had escaped across her wife's chest.

Breezing both of her hands through Jane's hair, she pulled the soldiers face up to hers and placed a kiss onto her dry lips.

* * *

Jane shivered. Her head felt groggy and she could feel drool coming from the corner of her mouth. She opened her eyes and tried to blink herself to consciousness. The fog began to clear and she smiled as fingers ran through the hair over and over. Cracking her eyes open a little wider, she could see sunlight filtering through the curtains, telling her she'd been asleep for a while. Maura was humming softly, though slightly off pitch. Combined with her playing with her hair, it was enough to calm Jane and almost lull Jane back to sleep.

They lay in the same position as earlier with Jane on top of her wife, arms crossed under the small of her back. Maura's legs remained around Jane's waist though now her grip had slacked a little. Jane's hold, however, intensified suddenly as there was a vibrating noise near her head. The hands in her hair stopped only a moment before resuming.

Maura reached over to grab her cellphone off of the side table. "Shhh. It's okay, sweetheart. Sleep. I'm here. It's okay." Opening her eyes, Jane was fully awake and Maura's phone buzzed twice more before she answered in a hushed tone.

"Dr. Isles." There was a deep voice on the other end not particularly familiar to Jane. Maura sighed and shifted in the bed slightly. "Kent. That is absolutely something you can handle and if you can't then it might be time for me to begin searching for a new-" he cut her off speaking hurriedly. Jane frowned. _Kent._ She'd never heard of him before and she thought she knew all of the doctor's minions; the important ones anyway. There was Susie, Peter, Morgan, and James. No Kent.

"Yes," Maura whispered. "Of course. Also, I will not be coming in today…" she paused, "or tomorrow." Kent said something, concern tenting his voice. "No, I'm fine. I'll see you Monday. Call me if there's anything that can't wait until then." Maura disconnected the call and the phone landed with a soft thud beside her on the bed.

Jane rumbled trying to gather enough energy to sit up, but Maura placed a hand on her shoulder and without much effort, pushed Jane down back onto her stomach. "Shhh. It's okay. I'm here."

The brunette smiled. Lying flat on her face, she grabbed whatever skin was beneath her between her teeth and bit down. "Jane!"

Her deep chuckle filled the air and she looked at her wife rubbing the skin just below her breast. She smacked the soldier's shoulder as a small smile graced her face as well.

"You were trying to suffocate me!"

"I thought you were asleep! Just grumbling like you usually do."

"Who's Kent?" Maura glanced at her phone, then back at Jane.

"How long were you awake?" The soldier shrugged her shoulders and moved her head frustratingly waiting for Maura to answer her. "He's my new assistant M.E."

"You work weekends now?" This was just like Jane to ask question after question. Not stopping until she got the full story.

"Only half days. Just to keep myself busy." She strained to read the green 8:43 am on the clock. "Your mother will be here soon. Did you tell her you were coming?"

"I didn't tell anyone I was coming," she grumbled into her hands. "Why is she coming over so early?"

"We usually have coffee before I go to work. Why didn't you tell anyone you were coming home?"

"Because I wanted it to be a Christmas surprise." Jane sat up and moved to sit across from Maura with her legs crossed. "The plan was to stay away long enough to get my hands on a Santa suit and come on Christmas morning, but that dick Frost said he had one and then we get her and he can't find the damn-"

"How long were you away?" Maura asked softly as she peered down at her hands, picking at the sheet covering her legs.

"Is this a test? Okay…um seven-hundred and thirteen…wait five-thousand and…"

"They're healed, Jane." She looked up into her face just in time to see a flash of recognition pass before the soldier looked off. "I can tell. They've healed."

Maura waited for Jane to say something. Anything. She scooted closer to her and with her own shaky hands reached over to place them onto her wife's. The scars were red in the middle. No doubt from the weather outside. It had snowed overnight, just after Jane had arrived. When Maura moved to touch the scars in the middle of her palms, Jane quickly snatched them back and began clenching them; balling them up and then shaking them out.

"I was honorably discharged after a nine month tour. Rehab was supposed to take four months, but I finished in three."

"What did you do for an entire month, Jane?" Maura was trying to keep the anger out of her voice. This entire time, the letters and the phone calls had suggested that Jane was still in Afghanistan this whole time. Now Maura understood why the letters stopped and Jane began calling her instead. "You lied."

"I had to." Jane looked up, clear defiance blocking the guilt in her features. "I had to. I stayed with Frost for a little while…the trial only took a few weeks-"

"Trial?" Maura said loudly, too emotional to keep it hidden any longer.

"Yeah," Jane rubbed her hands over her face tiredly.

"Jane," Maura took the soldier's hands in her own again careful not to touch the scars directly this time. "Darling. Please." The doctor's voice shook and her bottom lip trembled. "Oh, God. What…What hap-"

The doorbell rang. They both froze and lamented. Maura, because she could feel her heart racing, saddened by what her wife had said so far; and Jane, grateful for the reprieve but nervous at the prospect of another person asking about her hands. "Ma's downstairs." She got up from the bed slipping on a pair of sweatpants that she kept in in the trunk near the end of the bed. She reached for her green fatigue shirt and hesitated for a moment with her hand hovering over it. She slipped it over her head and walked slowly out of the door.

Maura sat in the bed cold from just the sheet covering her. At some point the comforter had been banished to the floor. She could hear Jane's heavy footsteps on the stairs, but then there was silence. The door creaked open and there was more silence, until, "Oh my God, Jane! My baby! What are you doing here?"

Maura grabbed her robe and followed the loud screeching of Angela all the way down to the foyer. "Ma…take it easy okay….would you-"Despite herself…and what had just happened, she couldn't help but smile.

* * *

 **A/N: Ya know...I'm not sure what I was thinking. Are you guys ready for two in-progress, perpetually-lately-updated stories at one time? For real though I hope you're enjoying it. Let me know.**


	3. Chapter 3

Squaring off is where they've found themselves. Jane with her eyebrows furrowed and her hands behind her back; Maura with her feet shoulder-width apart and hands resting on her hips.

"Excuse me, ma'am." Maura's jaw clenched. She wouldn't give in; she just wouldn't. "Ma'am? I'm trying to get passed you."

If she wasn't careful, Jane would break her stone cold demeanor with a smirk that was inching its way to her top lip. Maura could feel the breath of the irritated woman on the back of her neck. Her attitude wasn't appreciated but fully understood. She _was_ standing in the middle of the aisle.

The woman behind her gave a great sigh before grabbing her basket. Maura quickly dropped Jane's gaze and side stepped the woman barreling in her direction with her shopping cart. Jane grinned triumphantly as Maura rolled her eyes and turned to push their cart towards the cereal on the next shelf over. Bringing her hands from behind her back, the soldier tossed the Oreos package into the cart as it went by her.

"I won," Jane said in a sing-song tone.

"Because that woman was about to run me over with her shopping cart!"

"Nah," Jane said reaching into the cart to pluck a grape from the bag that they had yet to pay for. "She's not _that_ stupid. I mean look at me." Maura looked up to her wife's smirk as she flexed her left bicep. She stared for a short while before she stepped closer to Jane, biting her lip and looking her over. Jane was speechless.

"Sweetheart," Maura said innocently, sliding her finger along the soldier's loose fitting shirt all the way down to her belt buckle. She slipped one finger inside the waistband of Jane's jeans, and tugged a little. "People won't fear you for much longer if you keep eating those cookies." She gave one more tug before turning on her literal heels and walking away.

She'd gone all the way to the end of the row and turned to the next aisle before Jane caught up with her, jogging until they were next to each other. "You didn't think about my waistline when I was on any of the tours. You sent them to me all the time…and chocolate too!" She said as an afterthought.

"That's because you were burning over 4,000 calories a day, Jane." She glanced over her list once more to make sure she didn't forget anything. It seemed Jane's metabolism hadn't even thought about wavering since she'd been home. What was once a fully stocked fridge two days ago, was now almost empty with the exception of condiments. Jane continued to mumble about the status of her physical fitness; then, she stopped speaking abruptly.

Maura's ears burned. She'd heard it, too. Of course she'd noticed. The blonde whirled around to the same gluttonous woman who had unhappily pushed her way past her one aisle over. A jumbo can of Crisco lay swaying on the floor dented from its fall from the top shelf. What she wanted to do was go over to the woman and ring her neck. Tell her all the ways that that can on the floor would be the death of her. Instead her eyes searched and quickly found her wife, huddled over on the opposite side of the walkway with her eyes squeezed shut and her hands over her ears. Her lips moving over words that she couldn't make out.

"Jane," she held her hands out in front of her; palms up and fingers spread so that the soldier could see. Surprising the doctor, Jane immediately snapped her eyes open. Usually, these flash backs lasted upwards of ten minutes and once even a half an hour. But this time, Jane's attention was immediately captured by Maura's voice.

"Maura." Jane reached her hands forward to place them on top of her wife's. That was the next step: establish a physical connection. But as her own battered hands swam into her view stretching out to touch the small pristine ones below hers, she pulled them back. They floated momentarily down by her sides before her fingers found her hair, sloppily pulling it into a ponytail, then dropping her locks back down around her shoulders. "I'm fine," she said trying to control her breathing.

"Are you-"

"Is this all we're getting? Can we leave now?" She grabbed the cart tightly between her sheet white hands and pushed it toward the front counter, not waiting for Maura to answer and not waiting for her to follow either.

The doctor cautiously watched her wife quickly hefting item after item onto the check-out counter. She turned her gaze back to the woman who had neglected to pick up the can she'd so noisily dropped to the floor. By the time Jane had to leave for her previous tour, the loud sounds didn't send her spiraling anymore. At least not one's that were inside of a building with four walls.

She followed Jane out of the store, silently allowing her to take the lead. When she opened the trunk, Jane immediately grabbed the small load and put it in the car. She closed it with a hard thump then turned to her wife with one hand outstretched.

"I'm driving," she breathed out, eyes focused on the purse around Maura's shoulder.

The doctor looked up in understanding. This was about what Jane needed in this moment: control. So she reached into her purse pulling out the keys and softly placing them in her hands. "Of course."

They were almost to Beacon Hill when Maura felt it was okay to speak about what had just happened. "Jane-"

"I'm sorry." The sudden outburst was jarring to say the least. It was harsh but not angry and not geared toward Maura. It just fell from her mouth like it'd been begging, ready to burst out.

"You shouldn't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong, sweetheart," Maura said softly.

"I know. I'm just embarrassed," she confessed, tightening her grip on the steering wheel.

"We've talked about not being ashamed of losing control."

Jane chuckled and glanced at her wife. "Yes, _doctor_. We have." The jocular tone released a jolt of relief in Maura's body. "But, when I shipped out again it was kinda like hitting the reset button. You know?" Maura nodded. "Hey," Jane whispered. She moved her right hand down to grab onto Maura's in her lap, only hesitating for a moment. She rubbed her thumb back and forth over her wife's knuckles. "I'm sorry about the hand thing earlier. I know it's a part of the process but I just… I just couldn't let you touch them. I'm gonna talk about it. Soon, okay?" The blonde gave her a tight-lipped smile but didn't say anything.

The rough sound of the downtown Boston road transcended into a calming noise as they turned into the neighborhood. It distracted them both as they were stuck in their own thoughts. The wheels of the car rolled into the drive way just as the shrill tone of Maura's phone penetrated the air.

Jane was pulling the groceries out the trunk of the Prius silently wondering why Maura never drove the Lexus in the garage anymore. She wasn't listening to anything the woman was discussing on the phone, instead strategizing how to avoid making a second trip from the car to the house.

She strutted up to Maura with the bag of kale tucked proudly under her chin. The doctor, succeeding in unlocking the front door, and laughed lightly at her wife's child-like grin as she scooted slowly along the path, trying hard not to drop anything.

The unnecessarily panicked voice on the other end of her phone call once again captured her attention as she and Jane walked into their home. "I understand that, but Kent I-wait….you did what?"

Jane looked at Maura from across the kitchen counter with her eyebrows raised. Maura responded with an eye roll, grabbing the groceries and putting them in their designated places. "And I've shown you the procedure for that. Have I not?" The brunette smirked. Her wife's boss voice was one to be feared. Her tone was clear, clipped, and pointed adding cold when she was angry, but man was it powerful. All she knew is that she wouldn't want to be on the other end of that conversation right now.

After hearing her wife sigh heavily, she turned to see her with one hand on her forehead. They locked eyes and Jane asked a silent, _everything okay?_ To which Maura shook her head. "Kent…Kent! Yes, I will be down to the lab soon. I promise, I'm on my way. Just, please, don't touch anything else until I get there. We can't risk losing any more evidence." She ended the call without a goodbye.

Biting her lip, Jane walked over to her wife who had taken a seat on one of the stools of the kitchen island. She eased her hands onto the blonde's shoulders and much to Maura's pleasure, began to massage them; kneading slowly and pressing up with her thumbs. "Everything alright?"

"He used the wrong solution and destroyed one of the hair samples from one of our suspect. Now, the fear that he will repeat the action has caused him to forget which solution is actually the correct one. So, I have to go down to the lab on my day off and sort this out."

"Isn't there a book he can read?" Jane asked grumpily causing Maura to laugh. She turned around in her chair to face Jane and pulled her by her hips to stand between her knees.

"Sure there is, but the problem isn't his knowledge. He knows which one to use, but he gets nervous without me there."

Jane was quiet for a beat as she stared down at her wife. Crossing her arms she asked, "Do I need to be worried about this Kent guy?"

Maura's eyebrows furrowed and laughed. But when Jane didn't respond by laughing also she realized, she wasn't kidding. "What are you talking about?" The soldier only titled her head and stared pointedly. "Are you serious? How could you even think that, Jane?"

"I don't know, Maura. Maybe because I've been home for barely two days and you've talked to this guy ten times," she said simply without any heat. Maura was in disbelief as told by her gapping mouth. How was she supposed to respond to that? She simply got up, Jane stepping back, and began walking away.

"I can't believe you would say something like that." Jane's grip caught her wrist before she even reached the kitchen door.

"Baby, wait…" Laughing. Jane was _laughing_. She whipped around to see the brilliant, cocky smile on her wife's face. "I'm joking."

"Jane."

"I'm sorry-…come here. Look," she pulled Maura closer to her, pressing her up against the counter. "It was a joke, a _bad_ joke." She pushed a few strands of blonde hair back to see Maura's annoyed, albeit amused, eyes looking up at her.

"I don't find infidelity funny, Jane."

"I know," Jane said kissing her way from the doctor's hair line, to her cheek.

"I would never do that….I have zero desire to do that…."

"Yes, I realize this."

"I…" Maura's breath shallowed out as Jane's sweet, apologetic kisses began to linger along her neck line.

"You…?" the blonde could hear the humor in Jane's voice as she breathing into her ear, bring her lips to wrap around it and tug lightly.

"...love you." Jane's eyes opened at the affirmation.

Yes, Jane had said she was joking about Kent. And part of her was. But the other part was always worried. She'd heard stories of fellow soldiers coming home to find out that their spouses had cheated on them to find comfort in their absence. Some instances were just sex. Seeking only intimacy and trying to fulfill a physical need. The worst of them, however, had been when their spouse had fallen in love with someone else. And there's no coming back from that.

She trusted Maura and she knew that deep down this was all just a projection of her own insecurities, but Jane couldn't stop her mind from wondering. _What if I'm not good enough? What if she loses interest in me? What if I can't give her everything she needs? What if she thinks I don't love her enough? What if she finds someone she thinks is better? How can I ask her to love me? Am I too broken for her? I'm too-_

"Jane," Maura moaned into Jane's mouth.

Not knowing when they had started kissing, Jane grunted and shook her head, trying to physically push the thoughts away. She grabbed on to Maura's left leg and pulled it around her waist. _What is she's only still with me out of pity?_ Jane pushed her body deeper into Maura's squishing her against the cold tile of the counter. She heard the woman gasp as her hands continued to wonder down her body. _What if I can't give her what she needs? What if I can't even figure out what she needs?_

"Jane," Maura said again, only this time her voice was painted with concern. Undeterred…stuck in her own head, Jane laid hot kisses down the side of Maura's jaw, squeezing the thigh in her hand and binding her knees a little to press her nose to Maura's neck. "Jay?" She could hear it now. The way Maura would use her nickname. It always meant that she knew. She knew something was going on but didn't want to broach the sensitivity of the issue it directly.

Slowing her assault to feather light kisses, she raised her head to look at her wife. They waited, content on communicating with their eyes. Like stalling in a conversation, Jane refused to look Maura _directly_ in the eye, but the blonde searched, and she searched until she found her answer. Titling her head in understanding she lifted slightly on her toes to kiss her wife's head, and then pressed their heads together.

Afraid that her insecurities would burst out of her chest if she didn't shield them, Jane wrapped her arms around Maura, bringing her into an embrace pressing the woman closer to her chest.

"It was a Ka-Bar knife. Military issue," Jane said into the air. From the current relaxed state of the woman in her arms, she could tell that Maura hadn't understood the meaning of her words. She was trying to say it, without saying it. Saying it aloud was like pulling teeth or running through quicksand. "Two of them. One was his and one was mine….I don't know how he…I wasn't paying attention. I wasn't expecting it. Stupid. I should never have put my gun down. I never should've-"

"Oh," Maura could barely breathe as realization wafted over her like a thick, toxic cloud of agent orange. She burred her head in the crook of Jane's neck and tried to hold her tears at bay as one image after the other popped into her mind. Two knives. All of the arteries and veins in the hand. Blood. Jane's blood. "Nonono."

"I…" Maura deserved the truth, but Jane didn't want to scare Maura, which is exactly what was happening. She didn't want to subject her wife to stories of what had happened to and around her while she was in war. She just didn't. So she reigned it in. "But I'm okay. And I love you."

Glossy hazel eyes looked up into brown. "I will _never_ ," she placed her hands one either side of Jane's head, " _ever,_ stop loving you. No matter what. I won't," she confirmed with as much conviction as she could muster with her tear-stained cheeks.

Jane released a shuddered breath and involuntarily, her eyes fluttered shut. How was it that Maura understood her so wholly? To anyone else, the last ten minutes would have been a confusing session of admissions. Not to Maura. She heard everything loud and clear, even the unspoken. She kissed the inside of Maura's right palm cradling her cheek.

"Thank you." Maura smiled. The only thing she could do. They hugged again and Jane reveled in it. Right up until Maura's phone rang again.

"Ugh," Jane huffed, reaching behind Maura to grab her phone without releasing her from their embrace. "Hello, Kevin," she said purposefully.

The man on the other end didn't say anything for a second, too surprised at the deep, raspy voice that was definitely _not_ his boss. "Um…hi."

"Don't worry. Dr. Isles is walking out of the door right now to help you with your crisis." Thinking that was her cue, Maura tried to pull out of the woman's arms to get ready to head to the lab but was only pulled tighter by the soldier.

"Oh, thank god." The genuine relief was palpable in his voice and Jane would have laughed if she didn't feel so bad for the guy.

"And word of advice," she paused, pulling back to look at her wife. "Dr. Isles is the best medical examiner in the country. And if she hired you, then she must have thought that your skills would benefit the Common Wealth of Massachusetts. And she doesn't make mistakes, which means that you are talented and smart. Okay?"

The man on the other end cleared his voice and taking a deep breath agreed with Jane. Maura's heart eyes were in full force. She loved this woman. She really did. "Thank you, Ms…."

"Rizzoli-Isles…or just Rizzoli. Maura's wife."

" _Wife?_ " The man said confusedly. This gave Jane pause. She looked at Maura who was still looking at her unaware of the situation.

Considering everything, Jane decided to let this go for now. "Yeah. Now stop shitting yourself, Kevin, and get back to work." She ended the call.

"You know his name isn't Kevin." Jane smirked and shrugged her shoulder playfully.

"Had to put him in his place."

"You were doing so well and then, just…" Maura shook her head as Jane chuckled releasing her and giving her a little room to gather her phone, keys and purse. "I shouldn't be gone long." Jane nodded her head. "If I am though, would you want to come down?"

The brunette's head snapped up. "To the lab? I thought you didn't like me in there because I touch everything."

Maura laughed. "It could be fun. While I'm doing to autopsy I could teach you about-"

"Uh-uh. Nope. I've seen enough dead bodies, thank you. But no thank you."

"Fine, my love." She walked over to kiss her wife on the lips and whispered that she loved her before walking to the door. She was just about to open it when it came flying open.

"You gotta be shitting me!"

"I told you, bro!"

Both Rizzoli brothers stood in the door way. One with a crooked grin and the other colored with irritation and joyful disbelief. "Brothers!" She smiled over to them.

"Oh, so you tell Tommy you're home but not me?"

"Duh, cause I knew he would tell you. Kid can't hold water."

"But still," he said as they both walked into the house; a duffle bag in Frankie's hand and a plastic bag in Tommy's.

"What's with the bags fellas?" Jane inquired.

"PlayStation. Beer. Well…rootbeer," Frankie said lifting his bag then pointing at Tommy's. "But I don't know if you deserve either," he said sulking like he was ten again and Jane refused to let him play football with her and the guys after school.

"I called Tommy three hours ago and look, you're here." She walked over to Maura who was standing near the door amused at the conversation between the siblings. She wrapped one hand around her waist and mumbled to her brothers, "besides…I was a little busy…so…"

"Gross, Janie!"

"Ah, come on Jane!"

Shouted the brothers.

"Yes. Gross, Janie." Maura joked, leaning up to kiss her solider. "I'll see you later. Have fun!" she threw over her shoulder.

They all stood silently. Jane reached down for the duffle bag but grabbed nothing but air when Frankie jerked it back. She stood straight, rolling her eyes. "What kinda games do you have?"

"Assassins Creed, NBA 2K16, Hitman, Need For Speed, the old one not that stupid new shit, XCOM 2….should I go on?"

The tall brunette held her challenging stance for as long as she could but after Hitman she broke. "Fine. I'm sorry." She stuck out her hand slouching her shoulders like a kid forced by their parent to apologize to someone.

A grin cracked on Frankie's face as he slapped her hand away, running toward Jane and Maura's hoisted TV, unzipping the bag as he went. "Yeah, you're gonna be when I kick your ass with LeBron's jump shot."

Jane laughed, running over to yank cord after cord out of the bag and Tommy's smile overtook his whole face as he pulled out the bottles. He was just about to put a few out on the tables when he remembered the last time he'd done that while in the presence of his sister-in-law. Nodding his head, this time he remembered to use the costars.

* * *

 **A/N: Angsty. I know, but I have not abandoned thee. Just trying to adult. Anyway I hope you're still with me. I hope to have the next chapter of Meadow Moonlight out by the end of this week.**


	4. Chapter 4

Focus. Rizzoli, focus.

 _Shots are ringing out all around her. She finds a red shirt and fires. ._

One. Two. She swung hard and the punches landed directly in the sweet spot of the bag. Jane jumped around in a circle, stretching her limbs and shaking out the slight stinging in her wrist. Then, she straightened up again. Focus. Rizzoli, focus. She lifted her fist again and swung hard and fast in quick succession. One. Two. Th-

 _.five. Another red shirt drops. She stares at him as he writhes in pain, trying to get air into his lungs. His foot scrapes over and over in the dirt until finally he stops moving all together. She can hear Frost near her ear. "Focus. Rizzoli, fo- look out behind you!" she turns. Red shirt. Fires. one._

Two. Three. She hit the bag harder than she had meant to because,

 _Even though she shot him three times he's still running toward her. She drops her weapon. Recalling all of her hand to hand training and she punches with all of her might, but it's too late. He's too close. With one angry fist…he swings._

And the bag swung back and clocked her right in the face. Shocked out of her flashback that she didn't even realize she was in, she staggered a few steps backwards. But as soon as her back hit the wall like _her back hits the dirty, bloody, sand bellow her, her head bouncing off_ of the wooden wall of the basement, the sequences came back to her and again she was, trapped. The room was spinning and so she put her hand over her ears and whispered over and over for it to end. To stop. To be over. She hadn't realize she was screaming out loud until she **stopped** screaming.

And that's when she heard it. Her name…Jane, not Rizzoli, not Sergeant. Just, Jane, repeatedly. The soldier opened her eyes, the sounds of civilian screams lessening, to see her wife standing almost a full twenty feet away from her with her hands outstretched.

"Jane. Can I?"

She only realized that her hands were still over her ears as her brain struggled to read the woman's lips. Trying to pull herself out of these flashbacks was like swimming higher and higher, trying to break the surface of the water but never being able to find the top of the inky, midnight sky. But you keep trying, because you know that eventually you will reach it, and when you do you are reminded of the quicksand that immediately falls on your head…suffocating you all over again.

"Jane? Can I?" she asked again. It was muffled but there, and Jane thought to herself that maybe there is no quicksand this time.

Oh, but there is. And it took seven more times before Jane comprehended what her wife was saying. The brunette nodded and swallowed, before trying to speak, with nothing coming out but a grunt.

Maura understood. She always understood exactly what her war veteran was saying. The blonde moved closer at once. First she bent down to Jane's level as not to stand over her and then she slowly crawled closer. "Baby," she cooed.

Jane looked up and paused for a moment. Taking in the woman before her. The way her sleep mused hair still glowed and the way her feet were dark, slightly bruised from running down the basement turned rec room stairs to get to her. The way her red night gown encircles her body clinging over her chest. Her…red…night…g-

" .no." Jane shook her head over and over causing her dark ringlets to bounce amongst her shoulders. She folded in on herself as her wife took a chance moving closer to wrap her arms around her.

"Okay," said Maura, closing her eyes and kissing the top of the soldiers head. "We'll go. Okay? Do you want to go, Jane?" The woman nodded her head once immediately. "We'll go. Come on sweet girl." Days later Jane barely remembers her smaller wife hefting her to her feet, stuffing her long limbs in track pants and a hoodie and helping her into their car.

* * *

They sat in front of the enormous glass. Jane stared up at the water reflecting beautifully off of the different surfaces. Blue. Green. Red. Yellow. Purple. She sat staring at it and Maura sat staring at Jane. The latter was still with her hands stuffed into the pockets of her sweatshirt and her neck bent all the way back, taking it all in. She smiled suddenly at the man who walked calmly toward them.

"Rondo!" she said excitedly, though the harshness of her voice sounded like she hadn't slept in weeks.

"Hey, Ri-" _Familiarity._ Stopping short, he spared a startled glance at Mura before correcting himself. "Hey, Vanilla!" Rondo handed her a strong cup of black coffee that he hastily made. She thanked him and sipped it as if it couldn't possibly burn her tongue. She swallowed and sighed deeply as her face scrunched up from the bitter taste.

"I missed you," she said out into the open, but they all know who she was speaking to.

His mouth opened slightly trying to think of what to say. Finally, he smiled and adjusted his security uniform blazer. "Missed you, too."

"Thank you," Maura said lowly. "I know the aquarium is closed right now but-"

"We're always closed when you guys come to see ole Rondo." He shrugged knowingly with all of his pearly whites on display. "No worries. I don't mind the company."

"Ronald…" she looked into his eyes, but he knew what she was going to say. "If anyone knew you were letting us in here after hours you could be fired."

He looked back at Jane. Her eyes stretched wide gazing at the sea life all around her. "Look at her." And Maura turned around. She watched her wife, who was out of her flashback but still not quite lucid. "Here." Maura looked to the coffee stretched out from his dark rough hand. His smile wrinkled around his eyes and his scruffy beard shifted along his chin. She reached up and took the coffee, then watched him walk away to continue making sure the building was secure, knowing that he would do anything for Jane. For them.

Holding the coffee in one hand, Maura's thumb started to swipe over her wife's knuckles and the brunette looked over, her expression of contentment giving way to that of surprise.

"Maura?"

The blond smiled back, just as she had the first two times Jane had rediscovered she was sitting next to her. "Yes. It's me," she said trying to keep the weariness out of her voice, but Jane, now letting the last bit of confusion flutter away, heard it and her smile slowly slipped away as she turned back toward the beautiful blue fish in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into her coffee. Maura felt the tip of her nose tingle with unshed tears. She placed her coffee beside her on the floor and turned, putting her finger under the brunette's strong chin and leaning forward to place their lips together.

Neither one of them moved…just lingered close together for a while. Finally, Maura let her head fall to the crook of Jane's neck; her forehead sliding down the soldier's long, warm neck. "I love you." Jane sighed as those words ghosted warmly from her wife's lips, up her neck and into her ear. "I love you so much, Jane."

"Christ," Jane swore as she turned to wrap her arm around her wife to pull her closer. "I'm sorry, Maura." She kissed the top of the blonde's head. "It'll be okay." At that, Maura exhaled deeply, releasing the stress of the last four hours into Jane's shoulder. She quickly wrapped both of her arms around the soldier's waist and pressed her body further into hers. "It'll get better. I promise. I…I'll get better. I promise, Maura."

"I…Jane." She held tighter.

"I know, baby. I know."

"Jane." She squeezed with all her might.

By the time they had pulled up to their home, the sun was bright in the sky. Maura put the car in park, but neither one of them moved. Jane smiled; the sight of her mother's car in the driveway making her chuckle. It was time for morning coffee, indeed. Yet, when she looked over to her wife, the woman sat rigid with her hands in her lap and her eyes straight ahead.

"Maura…I know-"

"No. I know. I know that you'll talk about it when you talk about, but I can't help it. I can't help it, because I love you. I care about what happens to you and it-" she swiftly turned to Jane with a look of anguish on her face. "It _kills_ me to know that you're hurting and know that I can't do anything about it. That you _won't let me_ do anything about it. And that's so…so selfish Jane! That's-" Maura gasped as her hand flew up to cover her mouth, begging her brain to stop letting these horrible things slip out of her mouth.

Jane, on her part, didn't know how to respond, so she didn't. Her wife was frustrated. And as badly as she wanted to dissipate it….it was hard for her. So very hard. She refocused on Maura who was swiping at a solitary tear that had slipped past her cheek and down her throat.

Maura sighed as a chill sprang up her spine and up to her shoulder as Jane slowly placed her hand on her thigh. Her jaw was set and her eyes solely on the scar in the middle of her palm. "You're not wrong. I just think-," Jane groaned. "…really?" Maura looked up to her, then ahead to see what had the woman complaining.

None other than Angela Rizzoli. She left the door wide open and walked swiftly down the path toward the car. "Oh," the blonde said face breaking into a unreadable expression as the woman drew closer waving her hands around dramatically.

"When did you give her a key?" Jane grumbled out the side of her mouth so her mother couldn't read her lips.

"Well," Maura laughed lightly and tipped her head back to the seat's headrest. "I wasn't doing so well with you last tour, so…"

"Hm," Jane said emphatically, distracted by her mother. Just as the older woman got to the car door, Jane quickly reached down to the handle, locking it. "Nope!"

"Jay-" the blonde's laughter grew as her wife simply shook her head at her mother who was steadily trying to pull the locked door open.

"No, Maur. We're having a serious conversation." Maura bit her lip at her wife's jocular tone. So, thankful for the moment of levity.

"Mama," Jane wined down the window only slightly. "You will have your daughter-in-law for coffee but can I please have one moment alone with my _wife._ "

The patriarch of the family stared hard at her daughter for another moment before looking over to her passenger. Maura tilted her head, trying to convey a message, which was obviously received.

"Alright, Jane. But hurry. I've been worried out of my mind."

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, winding up the window as her mother took her leave, still ranting about neither of them answering their phones. "Listen," she said sobering. "Can you…um," she reached over to unbuckle Maura's seat belt who in turn laughed at the randomly considerate action. "Can you take off work tomorrow morning?"

Interest peaked, the blonde reached over to join one of her hands with Jane's. "We're actually in the middle of a very complicated case and-" she drew up short as her wife's eyes met hers. It was something about the way her eyes strained and her eyebrows furrowed together that made her reconsider her words. Jane was desperately trying to stay silent, but speak at the same time. "But I can tell them to only call if they need me badly."

Jane let out a quick stream of air looking down. "I uh…" She smiled and scratched her head making Maura smile and redouble her grip. She looked up with that damn grin and that charming expression that insured Maura falling in love with her every moment of every day. "I made an appointment with Dr. Sullivan…tomorrow morning."

Pleasantly surprised was Maura as she sat up in her seat. "You did?"

"Yeah. She said I could start seeing her twice a week again."

"Jane, that's great," she assured her.

"I know. I was wondering if you would come with me to the first one. You know, not inside, but…with me you know," she said shyly.

"Of course. I'll take you."

"Thank you," Jane leaned over reaching to grab the back of her wife's neck to pull her in for a hug, one that Maura fully embraced. They stayed that way until the muffled sound of a scratchy think accented voice yelled at them from the house.

* * *

 **A/N: Heyyyyy guys...um...yeah this semester was really rough. Like really rough, but in all the good ways. I was so busy getting projects done and putting my portfolio out there. Anyway, I hoped you guys enjoyed the chapter. I also hope that the past/present/flashback switching in the beginning wasn't too confusing. Happy Holidays, everyone. This is your gift from me! Did you get me a gift? No? That's cool. I accept reviews.**


	5. Chapter 5

Maura tapped the metal of her wedding ring against the lip of the cup in her hand. The kitchen was quiet this time of morning. The only thing that could be heard was the soft, slight humming of the refrigerator and the baby birds chirping in the tree right outside the window. Honestly, she liked it that way. When they'd first started meeting for morning coffee, Maura really struggled with it.

Sometimes, Angela would just show up, and they wouldn't speak at all; just sat with their hands wrapped around coffee mugs and listened to the silence until it was time for Maura to go to work. It wasn't until their third meeting that Maura started to open up more, and it'd been a long time since they've sat in this much of a deafening silence.

"Where is she?"

"Upstairs in bed. She didn't really sleep last night," Maura said sipping her coffee and placing the cup back down on the counter with a soft clank.

Angela nodded her head and let her gaze fall to the counter. "Is everything…okay?"

The doctor's lips curled in a sad smile as she shook her head. "She hasn't said a lot since we left the therapist yesterday morning…I couldn't get her to eat much of her dinner last night and…" she paused rubbing frustratingly at her forehead. "I don't know. I just…I don't know."

"Well maybe this is a good thing. You know, maybe she's working it all out in her head," she said looking up to her daughter-in-law hopefully.

"Or maybe she's struggling, and I don't know how to help her because she won't talk to me about it. About anything. And I'm her wife so aren't I supposed to just _know_ how to-"

"No, no. Sweetheart," Angela reached across the counter pulling Maura's hands away from her mug and squeezing them. "You know Jane. We all do. She's not going to talk about something she doesn't want to talk about until she's ready. This has nothing to do with you, and it's not your fault."

"So, you've seen them. The scars," Maura asked looking up into the eyes that were so familiar now.

"Of course," Angela said sitting back in her chair and taking a sip of her coffee. "But like I said. She's stubborn," she said, a teasing smile playing on her thin lips.

Maura took a moment to consider how far Angela had come. Before, she would have been hounding Jane with questions about what, when, where and how it happened. But over the years that her daughter had been in the service…and returned safely each time, her confidence had grown. And she'd learned to wait on her. Just as everyone else had. The thing about it was that Jane _never_ kept anything from Maura.

With every end to each tour, she had regaled to Maura the things that had happened and how she'd handled them. Never did she go this long without sharing something this big with her wife, and Maura was having a hard time understanding the concept of _wait_ when it came to Jane's secretes.

"I've been feeling so ashamed lately, because I want her to tell me what happened. And every time she doesn't I can't help feeling that she's being selfish and I feel terrible for that-"

"Baby," Angela interrupted. "It's okay to feel however you're feeling. Now, I'm no therapist, but…" she chuckled. "I think that's probably natural."

When Maura didn't say anything, just stared down at the dark brown of her lukewarm coffee, Angela got up moving to the sink to place her empty mug there. She walked up slowly behind Maura placing her hand on her back. In response, the doctor let her head fall and her shoulders hunch a little.

"I'm sorry," Maura said scoffing at herself as she swiped away a tear rolling down her cheek.

"Oh, honey," Angela whispered, stepping closer. "It's going to get better. This is _Jane_ we're talking about. She'll get better…she always does."

Maura turned to her mother-in-law and wrapped her in a hug. "Thank you," she sighed.

"Just hang in there." They stood in each other's embrace, until Angela announced that she had to leave and once again Maura was enveloped by the silence of the kitchen. She was rinsing the dishes in the sink when she heard a heavy thud from upstairs. Quickly, drying her hands, she walked up the stairs and toward her bedroom to check on Jane. The door was still closed, so she took a deep breath before entering.

The room was not how she'd left it an hour ago. Shirts were hanging out of one of the drawers of the dresser. The comforter was on the floor. The overhead light and the two bedside lamps were on. Two of Jane's running shorts lay near the foot of the bed. And Jane was dressed, kneeling on her hands and knees looking for something under the bed.

"What-"

"I can't find my shoes," Jane said, her voice rough and low from disuse. And frustration.

Maura blinked twice at the sight and walked toward the closet tripping over her wife's water bottle. "Here, Jane," she said coming to stand behind her with her favorite pair of shoes in hand. Jane reached up to grab them and shook her head quickly dropping the shoes to the floor.

"No. My tennis shoes, Maura," she grunted, standing to look behind the dresser.

The doctor's cheeks flushed in sudden unexplainable embarrassment, and she held her arms around herself to keep from reaching out to the panicked woman. She simply bit her lip to hold in her words as she turned and walked into the bathroom. "Here, Jane," she said again quieter.

Jane's head snapped up at Maura's shy tone. She looked from the shoes in her hand to the woman avoiding her gaze several times before going over and slowly taking them from her grasp. "Sorry…I didn't know they were in there."

"You left them last night after you got back from your run."

"You were in bed when I got home. You didn't say anything so I thought you were asleep."

Maura smiled lightly looking up at her wife and shrugged her shoulder. "I wasn't."

They both paused for a second, simply looking at each other and not knowing what to say. "I would've said goodnight or something. I just thought…" Jane sighed walking over to sit on the bed to lace her shoes up.

"Where are you going?" Maura asked leaning her back against the wall and watching her wife's fingers work dexterously. Despite the current state of unease in the room, Maura's ear grew warm and she could feel her stomach become heavy just watching her wife's fingers move so quickly.

"For a run."

"Jane, it's freezing."

Jane shrugged, standing and walking a little closer. "I'll wear a jacket." Maura had no response, because nothing she said would deter the finality in Jane's voice. As Maura rubbed her foot across the floor patiently, Jane felt the guilt settle in her chest. "Do you, maybe, want to run with me?"

Maura saw the peace offering in her words clearly and smiled up at her wife with her chin still pointing down. She reached one hand up to place it on Jane's chest. "I'd love to," she whispered, "but I have to get ready for work, and…" she looked around to the disarray of their bed room.

"Oh," Jane said following her gaze and blushing. "Sorry. I'll…I'll clean this up when I get home."

"Okay," Maura said, accepting the white flag. Jane smiled with her lips tight and her face otherwise unreadable. She was almost to the bedroom door, when she stopped and looked over her shoulder at her wife. Maura straightened up and away from the wall anticipating what Jane so desperately and so clearly wanted to say next. But her jaw tightened and she nodded. So, the doctor waited. Jane was the one who would always apologize first.

 _"_ _I'm sorry, sweetheart."_

 _"_ _Why do you do that, Jane? You're not always the one who's wrong, you know."_

 _"…_ _Yeah…But I hate seeing you so sad."_

"I'll see you tonight," was only a whisper before she ducked her head and went out the door.

* * *

 _I should have worn two jackets,_ Jane thought as she huddled in the wind. The bitter wind whipped around her blowing that one annoying curl into the middle of her forehead repeatedly. It hung there mockingly as if to say, _See! She was right. It's too cold for this._ But she had been so eager to escape the cloud of harsh awkwardness that she'd created at the house, that she'd forgotten the band to hold her hair back, too. She blew warm air into her fist, before raising her left hand to knock harder on the apartment door. Finally, the door swung open and a shocked, shirtless man stood before her.

"Jesus. You always come to the door naked when someone knocks?"

"S'my house. I do as I please," he responded shrugging.

"What, you got a girl in there or something?"

The man scoffed, "Noneya."

Jane rolled her eyes and looked down the street for a second before snapping back. "You gonna let me in? I'm freezing my balls off out here."

"No, no, no. _I_ have balls. You _wished_ you had balls-"

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled pushing him aside and walking into his house. He chuckled loudly opening the door wider to accommodate the bolstering woman, before closing it behind her. She walked around the kitchenette to sit on the couch.

"Coffee?" he called to her.

"Only if it has bourbon in it," she said tapping her left heal with her right toe and kicking her shoes off. Sighing loudly, he fell into the chair across from her throwing a water bottle in her lap. She twisted the cap and took a large gulp before looking up to him. They sat staring at each other and once Jane had distractedly completed her task of peeling off the paper label on the bottle, she cleared her throat.

"I fucked up, Frost."

"What now," he wondered, sitting back in the chair.

"Maura."

"Mmm…" he reached for the remote on the table and turned the tv off. "Forgot to use the coasters again?"

"Frost," she looked up at him and he could see the severity instantly on her face. He'd noted that this would be a serious talking to it before when she'd showed up in the cold with jogging clothes on nearly seven miles from her house.

"What's up, Rizzoli?"

Jane took her time screwing and unscrewing the top on her water bottle and rubbing her thumb against the rough ridges. "I was mean to her this morning."

Frost lifted his eyebrow. "Mean?"

"Yeah, _really_ mean. I snapped at her over some fucking shoes."

"Wow."

"Yeah, and I kind of yelled at her a little yesterday in the car, because she kept asking me questions about therapy and I just-"

"Wait," Frost said lifting his hand. "You're back in therapy?" Jane nodded and ran her hand through her hair. "How'd it go?"

"I mean it was fine, but…you know I felt obligated to tell her what happened, and now I feel guilty about not being able to tell Maura. Shit, even _you_ know what happened."

"Yeah, but," he shifted his gaze down to her hands. "I was there, Jane."

"I just don't know what to tell her."

"The truth."

Jane chuckled humorously as she squeezed the cold plastic between her hands. "Right. Okay. _Oh, Maura. I'm home, but only because I was stupid and weak and let my guard down._ "

"I said the truth, Jane. And we both know that's not what happened."

"Yeah," Jane scoffed standing up to pace around the living room that she'd inhabited for a month after touching down on U.S. soil. "It's like I feel guilty for not telling her, you know. And she's so mad at me."

"Maura? Mad at you?" he said his head pointed in disbelief.

"I know Maura, and she's not going to say anything about it. But I'll feel guilty if I do tell her because then she'll get all sad and depressed and maybe she won't-….I don't know. I just need some time to think it through, but in the mean time I have to also figure out how to not be a jackass to her."

"I get that," he said sitting up to place his elbows on his knees. "You need to show her that no matter what, this little radio silence thing that you're giving her doesn't affect how you feel about her. You gotta give her something that shows you're still there and that you're working on it. That's what you gotta do, Jane."

The determination in his voice made her smirk and she finally settled back down on the couch. "Maybe _you_ should be my therapist, Frosty."

"That's basically what a best friend is," he said smirking proudly at himself. They shared a laugh as Jane reached up and rubbed the back of her neck. "The question is, how are you going to do that? How are you going to reassure her that you're just having a rough time and not being and ass wipe?"

"I believe I said jackass."

"Same difference," he said flatly.

"…I think I've got an idea," she said pulling on her shoes.

"Alright, Rizzoli. Don't do anything crazy!" he yelled after him as she raced out the front door grinning like a love-sick fool.

* * *

Maura walked into a dark and still house. Well, she thought it was until she walked into the kitchen placing her keys and purse on the table and heard the soft sound of music playing from up the stairs. Judging from events throughout the day while she was at the lab, she had an inkling that it was coming from the bed room. She walked to the other side of the kitchen to place the remainder of her dinner in the fridge.

A warm meal had mysteriously shown up on her desk thirty minutes after she'd called Jane to tell her she'd be coming home late. In a rushed, albeit disappointed flurry, the soldier had said that it was okay and that she'd just order take out. But upon learning from Kent that something had been delivered to her office she felt a sense of warmth spread through her chest at a brown bag sitting near her computer from her favorite restaurant.

Maura smiled to herself thinking back on the kind act and turned to go upstairs when something caught her eye. There was a note sitting on the counter next to the sink with a full glass of red wine next to it. She rubbed a finger around the base of the glass, blushing as she read the note.

 _Come relax with me, love._

The doctor took a sip of wine as she slipped the note into her purse where _These flowers aren't as beautiful as you_ and _Dinner's on me tonight, baby_ were placed earlier _._

As she got closer, the sound of the music wafted louder and when she got to the door it was closed and dark except for the soft light peeking through beneath the door. Right above the door knob, another note read, _Let me show you how important and special you are._

"Hey," Jane said sitting on top of the covers, her legs stretched out. She smiled hesitantly, playing with the not on the black silk robe Maura bought her as a wedding gift four years ago. The room was spotless and the lights were off, small candles lighting up the space intimately.

"Hey, yourself," Maura said. A soft smile played on her lips as she tilted her head to rest on the side of the doorway. "Thank you for the flowers...and the dinner."

"You're welcome. But that's not all," she said excitedly hopping from the bed and taking Maura's hand.

The doctor followed, but she was confused to say the least. The last 24 hours had been a mixture of awkward, shyness and anger but now...now was the clear opposite. She couldn't help, but wonder what her wife was up to as she led her over to the bathroom. When she opened the door to the large bathroom, more candles awaited her as well as a full tub with rose petals atop bubbles breaking the water.

"Jane," she gasped.

"Yeah, I know." Jane laughed moving to stand behind Maura and placing her hands on her shoulders. "Something about how unsanitary it is to bathe in water with flowers in it or-"

"No, it's-"

"Maura." The doctor shivered slightly as her name danced along her neckline from Jane's warm breath on her shoulder. "I wanted to do something nice for you."

Jane kissed along the back of Maura's neck pulling slightly on the strap of the woman's dress. Eyes slipping shut, Maura's lips parted as her wife kissed her jaw. "Oh..."

"For putting up with my nonsense."

"Mhm," Maura hummed. She wasn't sure if the response was to Jane's statement or to her slowly sliding her tongue to the spot right below her ear. Jane's long fingered hands walked down to slid around her waist pulling her back into her, and Maura tightened her grip on the stem of the wine glass in her hand.

Jane's hands continued to patiently move up and down her side, one coming up to tug at the zipper on her dress.

"For loving me through this."

"Honey," Maura moaned turning her head just enough for her chin to touch her shoulder. Jane unzipped her dress and pulled at the straps on her shoulders. Holding Maura around her waist with one arm she helped the woman step out of her dress, laying it on the small trunk in the corner of the bathroom before returning.

"I know it's just as hard on you as it is on me, Maur," whispered the solider. Maura could feel pressure on her breasts that quickly dissipated as Jane released them, pulling on her bra and sliding it from her body. "I know, baby."

"God..." Steady sure fingers found their way to her hips. Jane tucked her thumbs into the edge of Maura's lace panties pulling them down only a little and then back up making Maura press back into her wife silently asking for her to continue. Her underwear was peeled from her body and slowly dragged down around her ankles where she stepped out of them. Jane folded her arms around Maura's smooth, warm skin and kissed her neck once more before coming back around to face Maura.

"And I want to show you that I appreciate your patience," she said. Maura, lip caught between her teeth shakily brought the glass back up to her lips and took a long sip. "To show you that I'm still here with you."

Taking the wine from Maura with one hand she tangled their fingers together with the other pulling her toward the bath. Maura placed one foot into the warm water and then the other, slowly sinking down until only her head was visible.

"Come join me," she reached out, water dripping from her finger tips.

"Nah," the taller woman said rubbing at the back of her neck. "This is for you."

"Yes, but it would be better if you were in here with me."

"You…you sure?"

"Please," Jane grinned, disrobing before stepping into the bath careful not to step on her wife.

"Front or back?"

"Right here," Maura gestured to the spot between her knees. The water sloshed against the rim of the tub as Jane sat back against her wife's front and curled her legs to the end of the bathtub.

As time passed, they were content to just sit; Maura stroking Jane's hair with one and Jane gliding her finger back and forth over Maura's knee sticking out of the water. They used to do this all of the time before they were married. Sit in peace with each other and revel in the slightest of touches.

"I love you," Maura whispered. She had the feeling like something was to be discussed while they were so close, but the water was turning cold and neither one of them had said anything for the last thirty minutes. "You hear me?" She asked threading her fingers through dark locs and pulling Jane's head back to look at her.

Jane pushed her arms down on her wife's knees to sit up and bring her lips to her freckled chin. Maura pulled on Jane's hair to draw her lips to her own. The water sloshed again as Jane sat up more and Maura tightened her thighs around the strong body between them. The soldier slipped her hand under the water squeezing her wife's soft hip. Maura moaned sliding down in the water to wrap her legs around Jane fully and Jane sat up on her knees breaking their kiss.

Her eyes traced the lines of her wife's face. Her slightly opened mouth, eyes round and straining to see her in the dark room, her bottom lip slowly tucking in between her teeth and the blush of her skin. Then she swallowed and stood, the water falling down her body.

"Come on, baby." She helped Maura out of the tub then got out herself. The soldier grabbed the white towel that she'd placed on the small table next to the tub and wrapped it around her wife. "Will you go get in the bed for me?"

"Aren't you coming," Maura wondered already making her way back to the source of the music.

"Yeah, just a sec."

Maura didn't ask questions, closing the door with a soft click and made her way over to the bed. She wiped her body down before lying back in the bed on top of the covers and she smiled shaking her head at herself chastisingly. She was nervously aroused. Like this was their first time all over again. She didn't know why; just knew that the butterflies in her stomach were causing her heart to quicken and her skin to feel electric.

The sound of the door creaking caught her attention and she looked over at her wife. It was too dark to read her facial features but she could feel Jane's energy as she stepped up to the bed with a towel wrapped around her waist, blowing out all but two candles. She silently got on to the covers and set herself close to Maura already beginning to kiss her way down her stomach.

"Jay," the doctor moaned letting her head fall back against the pillow as her wife kissed around her thighs. Jane groaned in response as her tongue ventured out to kiss at her wife's core.

Reaching up to her own breast, Maura sighed and pulled one knee up. She wasn't sure of the cause of the shift in her wife's demeanor, but now didn't seem like the time to broach it. So, she simply felt it. The way Jane's tongue circled her clit before kissing it. The way she let her hands drag up and down her hips. The way she remembered to always go back and suck on the skin between Maura's hip and her right thigh.

For a while Maura worried that her wife's absence would cause her to forget her body. The way it jerked or twisted in pleasure when she held her hips down steadily and sucked hard or the way it made her back arch when she scraped her short nails down her stomach. But not for a second had Jane seemed to have forgotten. Not a single second.

Maura brought her hand up to her mouth, biting on her knuckle. "I...oh God, Jane." She could feel how close she was in the way that her thighs contracted and trembled as they relaxed. "Don't stop. You're going to make me come…don't stop."

She heard her wife groan and pull away from her, coming up to slide one shaky finger across her cheek. "You're about to come?" Jane said, her voice low and gruff.

"What are you doing?" Maura asked, ignoring the question in a rush.

The soldier smirked grabbing Maura's hand and placing it over the towel around her waist. Maura tugged it off and felt her body heat numb. Between Jane's legs was the toy they had bought a while before they got married. They hadn't used it much. Jane called it their special occasion toy. It was the one that curled inside of Jane and strapped around her hips. They settled on that one after Maura said she wanted Jane to feel like it was real. And she did every time.

Now, Maura looked up into Jane's apprehensive eyes. It was usually the doctor who initiated it and Jane hoped she'd made the right decision. Maura pulled on the straps of the toy.

"Are you ready?" Jane asked leaning down on her hands.

"Hell, yes," Maura rushed out making Jane chuckle.

She pushed in slowly letting her body lower onto Maura's. She sighed savoring the moment and gathering the strength she needed to reassure her wife that she was okay. That it all would be okay. She rocked her body inch by inch and tucked her forehead into her wife's neck. The heaving breaths rushing passed her ear reminded her that she was still alive and still worth it.

"Jane…faster." It reminded her of the reason she came home. Because she had someone to come home to. Someone that valued her and. needed. her. to- "Baby, yes. Yes. Please." Reminded her to be strong. for. them. to. be- "Harder, Jay." To be okay. Reminded her that she was someone they needed to feel safe. "Jay! Oh, god. I-"

"L-Love you," Jane stuttered. The words felt like they were trying to claw their way out of her; to make their mark with every stroke of her hips.

"I love you, too. Oh, sweetheart, please. I'm so close."

"And I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She rocked yearningly, turning her face into Maura's chest and smearing a tear across her damp skin. "I'm sorry," she mumbled.

Maura felt it happening, but just like most things with love, she was powerless to stop it. "No," she rushed out. She tried to quell the fire in her stomach, but it grew with the increasingly pleasurable tension in her lower back. Her panic was not enough to stop the feeling as her wife repeated her apologies over and over until her back lifted off the bed and she threw her arms around Jane's neck. Maura's thighs clamped down around her wife as nails dug into her strong shoulders and her head fell back. She hiccupped out a soft _no_ wrapped in hurt and pleasure as her orgasm stung every part of her body touching Jane.

"It's okay," Jane said falling forward still enveloped in her wife's snug grip. She reached one hand up to move blonde sweaty hair out of the doctor's forehead before she kissed it. "I'm here, okay?"

Maura's chin trembled as she opened her eyes letting a few tears roll down her face and around to her ears. "Oh, Jane," she said understandingly, her breath staggered and her hips still shuddering. She tugged the woman down and kissed her pouring every bit of what she wanted to say into the woman. "Oh, sweet girl. I know."

"Maura," Jane grunted, wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Shhh. I know, Jane. I'm not going anywhere. Do you hear me?" she asked her eyes closed and her grip around Jane's hair painfully tight. She shifted her legs to pull their pelvises together and Jane bent at the waist meeting her thrust, pulling back and pushing herself in. Jane could breathe again. It felt like her chest was lighter now and air reached parts of her lungs that she didn't even realize was there. She rocked her hips again and again as Maura's brave, sure voice continued to remind her again and again, "I know. I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

 **A/N: Hey guys...*rubs neck awkwardly* remember me? Well, the gods have finally seen fit to both make time for me to write and have also lifted the writer's block I had. I hope you enjoyed it. Still with me?**


	6. Chapter 6

_Jane could breathe again. It felt like her chest was lighter now and air reached parts of her lungs that she didn't even realize was there. She rocked her hips again and again as Maura's brave, sure voice continued to remind her again and again, "I know. I'm not going anywhere."_

 _"I know. I just don't want you to get sick of me," Jane confessed as she buried her face in Maura's neck._

 _"What?" Maura pulled her face up, canting her hips down to stop Jane's rocking. "What are you talking about?"_

 _"You can't keep walking on eggshells around me. I know I need to…we need to talk about what happened. I'm just not ready yet."_

 _Maura pulled her into a kiss letting her lips linger up her jaw and to her ear. "It's okay. I'll wait, Jane." The solider took a deep breath and promised to make the truth known sooner rather than later._

But it had been three weeks and she could feel her wife growing restless. Their conversations had changed complete with bickering over small things. Maura coming home late on date night. Jane leaving her socks next to the hamper. Joe Friday eating Bass' strawberries. The atmosphere in their home was slowly starting to take on another form.

And yet, Jane had finally settled into a routine, which bothered her. Wake up at five in the morning, go for a jog, come back home and go into the basement to practice on the punching bag. Take a shower, wake her wife for breakfast before work. She was excited about that, having finally convinced her mother that she didn't need to come to the house for coffee every single day. She felt like it was a moment to convince her wife that she hadn't forgotten her promise of transparency.

On Tuesday and Thursday, she headed to therapy. Other than that, however, she usually sat around the house. Cleaning, watching the news, or texting Frost while Maura was at work and now, she was anxious. Not doing anything made Jane feel useless and sometimes she would go for a drive just to feel like she was doing something purposeful. Even if it was going to the store for more lettuce for bass. She was quickly getting bored and restless, but Maura said this was her time to relax.

"You've been on three tours, Jane. Enjoy your civility," she'd said.

But she was way past that now having been home for nearly two months, and being alone in their big house with nothing to do was like playing with a Ouija board…waiting for the dark spirits to come. And come they did. The nightmares were still there but with therapy, she was getting better at controlling her reactions to them. Before, she would wake up paralyzed, sit there until she could breathe again, then make her way down to the basement. Other times, they would rip from her body through her voice and startle her wife awake. Leaving the doctor to comfort her an hour and a half before she needed to be awake for work. Now, though, she could get by with a waking grunt, loud enough to wake herself but not her wife as she'd slowly slide out of bed.

Those were the times when she wasn't alone. But when her wife is at work and her mother has decided not to come over and talk her ear off, she could almost feel him creeping over her shoulder when she sat on the couch. Could feel the sting of his blade when she'd burned her finger on the stove. Could hear his chuckle coming from the audience in a sitcom she was watching on tv. That's why she always watches the news now.

She was listening to Anderson Cooper regale the crises in another foreign country when her phone buzzed against her thigh. She smiled before answering.

"Please don't tell me you're gonna be late. If I have to stare at Andy Cooper's white hair any longer I might go snow blind," she greeted.

Maura laughed and she could hear a deeper voice chuckle as well. "You could always change the channel, you know. And no, I'm not going to be late. Actually, I need a favor that might help with your boredom."

Jane sat up already in search of her keys. "What do you need?"

"Well, for some reason a few packages that I ordered to the house ended up here. One of them is rather big and I brought the Lexus to work. I was wondering if you wouldn't mind bringing the Prius here and loading it."

The soldier walked toward the door, shoving her wallet into her coat jacket and looping the keys on her finger. "What _kind_ of package?"

Again, Maura laughed and sighed. "It's just a few paintings. Do you mind, Jane?"

"I'm on my way," she said jumping into the car and letting it warm up.

When she pulled up to the station she didn't see the Lexus and wasn't sure where to park. Following the lead of a few more cars, Jane parked in the front of the building behind an unmarked. Bracing herself against the cold wind on her face, she hurried into the building, thanking an officer who held the door open. She was almost to the elevator when she was stopped an officer at the front.

"Can I help you, ma'am?" the young man asked.

"Oh…uh, I'm here to see Doctor Maura Isles."

He looked her up and down for a moment. "Doctor Isles is working in the lab right now."

"I know." Jane paused for a moment, jaw tightening a twitch. "I just spoke to her on the phone and she asked me to come down here." When the man just stared at her, she sighed, rolling her eyes and pulling out her ID. "I'm Jane Rizzoli-Isles. Her wife." He stepped forward, glancing at the name and then pulled out a clipboard from the table beside him. Looking over it, he peered back at Jane, then her ID and shook his head.

"I'm sorry. You're not on the ME's list."

"What do you mean I'm not on the list?"

"You're not on the list of Doctor Isles' approved visitors."

"Fucking ridiculous," she mumbled. She pulled out her wallet again, pointing it in the officer's face. "I'm her _wife_. We literally share the same name."

"I'm sorry—"

"Fine." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and dialed Maura's number. On the third ring, Jane closed her eyes and tried to get a handle on her anger. When she heard the voicemail, she hung up and tried again, only to get the same thing. "Shit." Turning back to the officer, she flipped through her wallet, pulling out a different card and holding it up to his face. "First Sergeant, Jane Rizzoli of the United States Army. I need to see Doctor Isles."

When her army ID card appeared, the man's eyebrows shot up and he stuttered over his words. He scrambled to check his list again, but when he looked up his face was even more pained. "First Sergeant, I'm sorry, but you're still not on the list."

"Then why in the hell do you have those guest stickers, if you're not going to let me be a guest?" she said, her voice rising.

"The protocols changed because a few incidents. Unless they are on the medical examiner's approved list, only people who request to see a specific officer or detective get a guest pass. I'm so sorry. I can call down to the lab and—"

"Did you not just see me try to call her?" she said taking a step forward. "You realize this is bullshit, right?" She said getting a little louder.

"Sergeant—"

"It's _First Sergeant_."

"Officer Brown!" Came a voice from beside them. The man snapped his eyes over and relief gripped his body. Jane looked over to the short, silver-haired man in a suit walking toward them. "I'll handle this." The man looked over to Jane and smiled. He waited until Officer Brown stepped aside to help another person before he said, "My name is Detective Vince Korsak. What can I do for you, First Sergeant?"

Jane paused, glancing over to Officer Brown who refused to look her way. Letting out a large sigh, she responded. "My _wife_ , Doctor Maura Isles asked me to come down here to help her with something. I don't know what this list of approved people is or why I'm not on it, but she's not answering her phone."

Detective Korsak studied her quickly before smiling again. "Of course. Follow me." He turned and began walking. Jane waited only a moment before following him. Once they were in the elevator, she could feel him watching her.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said quickly turning back. "It's just…are you really the Doc's wife?"

"Christ," Jane mumbled, pulling out her phone. She scrolled through her pictures, showing him their wedding photo that she used as her lock screen.

He looked at her, then back up with embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I just didn't realize she was married."

The doors rolled open and Jane followed the man down the hallway and through a few doors. She'd been down here once, when Maura first started working here two years ago, but was banished after a half dozen empty test tubes ended up shattered on the ground, the soldier, guiltily holding one of Maura's African masks against her face. She couldn't remember where her wife's office was, but she could hear the woman laughing. The detective knocked on the open door and when Jane walked in, her wife was sitting behind her desk, another man with a brown beard and thick eyebrows sitting opposite her. They were both smiling about something, and Jane noticed Maura's cellphone on her desk, face down.

"Doctor Isles, you have a visitor," said Detective Korsak. Maura looked over and her face brightened further.

"Jane!" She said excitedly not noticing her wife's irritated demeanor.

"You don't answer your phone?" she said harshly as she walked in the room. She'd thought her anger had dissipated by the time she'd reached the lab, but seeing Maura sitting there joking with this guy when she needed her, sparked her annoyance again. It was like an itching in the back of her mind that wouldn't be satisfied.

The smile on Maura's face sagged as she reached over to her phone, seeing the missed calls. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I didn't realize it was on silent." Maura stood from her chair, pointing first at Jane, then to the detective still standing in the doorway. "Jane, this is Sergeant Detective Vince Korsak. Sergeant, this is Jane."

"Your wife," he supplied.

"Yes," Maura said cheerfully bouncing over to Jane to lace their fingers together and place a kiss on her cheek. He gave Jane a look that was somewhere between amusement and skepticism.

"We met," Jane said before turning to him. "Thanks, for getting me down here."

"No problem, Jane." He patted her on the shoulder, before saying his goodbyes and heading back upstairs.

"Jane, this is the assistant medical examiner, Kent Drake."

Kent was handsome in a scruffy, overpowering cologne kind of way. He stepped up to the solider and stuck out his hand which Jane slowly took, straightening her back and looking him over. On his part, Kent shook her hand with vigor, smiling and not registering Jane's body language. "It's nice to meet you," he said cheerfully.

Jane merely grunted as the man walked back over to the chair and took a seat. They all stood for a moment and Maura started to see that something was off by the way her wife's shoulders hunched and her head was titled, staring at the two takeout bags on her desk. She placed her hand on Jane's forearm and leaned into her. "You seem a little tense. Is everything alright?"

Jane sighed, looking down and shifting her weight on her heels. "Where are the boxes?" Jane had spotted them in the corner and moved to grab the big one before her wife could respond. Maura watched after her, but upon discovering Kent looking between them uncomfortably, she decided to drop it for now. Maura walked to her desk, grabbed her purse and went to pick up the smaller box that she'd be putting in her car, when Kent popped up like a rocket.

"Oh, Doctor Isles. I can carry that one," he said.

"That's quite alright." Jane watched, as Maura and Kent, both smiling, went back and forth about who would carry the small box. Finally, she placed her package down with a small thud. Walking over to grab the small box from between Maura and Kent's hands, she placed it on top of her box and picked them both up, walking toward the door without a word.

"She seems lovely," Kent said, as Maura released a breath halfway between a groan and a laugh before following her wife out toward the elevator.

When they reached the lobby, Maura took a left and Jane went straight ahead. "Wait, where are you going? The garage is this way."

"Maura," the soldier huffed. She tried to look over at her, but the second box covered her mouth and half of her vision. "I parked out there."

The doctor followed Jane's head jerk and her eyes grew wider. "In the front? Jane, they tow cars that park in the front!"

"Well how was I supposed to—" Jane jousted the box beginning to fall until it was balanced. "How was I supposed to know that?" But Maura was already marching toward the double doors. Jane followed, stomping all the way there. The sun had set and Jane's eyes were adjusting to the darkness when she heard Maura's voice.

"She had no idea she wasn't supposed to park here."

"Look, I like you Doc, but that's not my fault. I have to tow it," said the deeper voice. Jane sighed, placing the packages down on the side walk and got ready for an argument. But what she saw shocked her for only a moment before she smiled.

"Relax, Maur," the soldier said placing her hand on her wife's back. "This car isn't going anywhere." Maura turned to look at her puzzled.

"Oh, yeah?" the man said slinging he chain on the ground and turning around. His mouth was posed to say more, but soon a slew of white teeth appeared from behind his lips. He stepped up to Jane whose hand was half raised for some sort of a hand shake from what Maura could tell. "Son of bitch!"

"No, shit!" Jane laughed, hugging the man a moment before stepping back and wrapping her arm around Maura. "How have you been, Moe?"

"Aw, you know," he pointed at his truck. "Working. What about you? Last I heard, you were still in Iraq."

"I just got back actually."

"And you're married to the Doc?" He looked between the two.

Jane smiled, though it was stunted. "Yeah."

"Same ole Rizzoli," he chuckled taking the chain away from the tires of the Prius. "That luck doesn't run out does it," he laughed nodding his head at Maura who sighed in relief as the man took the car off of the rise. It seemed like her wife knew people everywhere they went. Sometimes it was slightly inconvenient, having to stand there for what felt like hours as Jane talked to an old high school team member about their last playoff game. But sometimes it had its benefits.

"Well, you know…" Jane looked down to her wife, pulling her a little closer. "Maur, I used to whoop Moe's ass in football at the park when we were in high school.

"You wish!" Moe looked at Maura with a grin and shrugged. "Sorry about the car, Doc."

"No, it's fine and thank you for taking it down."

"It's no problem. Oh, and you can park here whenever you need to."

"That's not nec—" Maura started before her wife gave her a squeeze.

"Nah, he owes me one," said the soldier quietly. Maura looked from the woman beside her to Moe as they both silently nodded at each other before shaking hands again. "It was good to see you, man."

"You too, Rizzoli. Hey," he said opening the door to his truck. "You be good."

"No promises," Jane said and smiled as he drove away, his deep laugh echoing out the window.

It wasn't until they were getting ready for bed that Maura took the chance of figuring out why her wife's mood had been broody since the moment she walked in the office. Throwing her nightgown over her head, she watched as Jane sat with her back to her taking off her socks.

"Something the matter?" she asked. She could see Jane's shoulder's sag.

"No."

"Hm," Maura said. "You've been acting strangely since I asked you to pick up the package…If you were busy, Jane, you could have just said that," Maura said carefully, openly aware of not tipping the scale.

"Wasn't busy," was the stunted reply.

"Okay...Jane." Maura walked across the room to stand in front of her. The solider wasn't deterred as she still sat picking dirt out of her fingernails. "Jane?" She asked again, but was still doused in silence. Sighing she put her hands on her hips. "So, you're ignoring me now?"

"Oh, like you did?" Brown eyes finally shifted up and the intensity of her stare made Maura's breathing still for a moment. "Doesn't feel so great, does it?"

As Jane scooted back onto the bed and tucked her feet under, her wife shook her head in frustration. "What does that mean? Is this…because I missed your phone call? Jane, I didn't do that intentionally because I was ignoring you."

"And what about the other times," she mumbled.

Maura laughed somewhat manically as she sat heavily on the bed beside Jane. "Sweetheart, what other times?"

Jane contemplated how to have this conversation without bursting with anger, but she felt slighted by the whole sequence of events. "Why am I not on your list?"

"What list?" Maura asked.

"The one of approved people who get to visit you in the lab. I mean not a single person that I spoke to knew who I was…or that you were even _married_!"

"Is that what this is about?" Maura laughed.

"I'm serious, Maura," she said looking at the doctor. "Why don't you tell people you have a wife. And why…" Jane paused, glancing quickly down to the wedding ring around Maura's finger. "Why didn't you have your wedding ring on when I came to the lab."

Maura licked her lips and swallowed. She'd become so used to not wearing it at work. She loved Jane. Only had eyes for her soldier, so it didn't even occur to her that not announcing her marital status or wearing something that did just that would bother Jane.

"I don't wear it at work, because half of the time I'm elbow deep in the stomach of a deceased human being."

"You wear gloves, don't you?" Maura watched her wife. The way her eyebrows pointed down in the middle, the way she held her body tightly, her thumb rubbing back and forth over the scar in the middle of her palm.

"We've had this conversation," Maura said. "Jane, I love _you_. I want _you_. Just because I don't announce that I'm taken or wear a ring to ward people off doesn't mean I'm going to suddenly fall in love with someone else."

"Why wouldn't you?"

"Excuse me?" the doctor nearly screeched. Jane slid out of the bed, tangling her fingers in her hair.

"That's not what I meant," she whispered. "I still don't understand why you don't tell people or wear your ring. Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"Yes, but I'm telling you that you don't have to feel that way." Jane turned slowly toward her tilting her head and dropping her jaw. "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to tell you how to feel, but it's really not that big of a deal—"

"It is to me!" Jane shouted. Maura flinched slightly and looked over at the opposite wall. "Just tell me why, Maura." Said woman didn't utter a word, just sat staring off for nearly a minutes.

Jane had felt this coming all week. It seemed like not matter how hard she'd tried to keep things peaceful her, past reared its ugly head in the form of anger…directed at the one person who she wasn't actually angry with. Maura's chest huffed quickly and something clicked for her seemingly at the same time as Jane. This was it. The weeks building, filled with small arguments then claims of love, hurt feelings then romantic gestures and passive statements then small bits of information about their experiences while apart. And they had finally reached the point. There were no other avenues around this.

Finally, Jane looked back at her wife and she could see her face completely emotionless. Her eyes were completely blank. "I don't know," mumbled Maura.

"Yes, you do."

"I said I don't know."

"Why, Maura?" Jane said walking around the bed. "Is it because you're ashamed of me. Or you're…ya know, keeping your options open—"

"Are you kidding me?" Maura shot up from the bed. "So, you think I've been prowling for people to sleep with while my wife was risking her life for millions of people? Is that what you honestly think, Jane?"

Jane stood straighter and said lowly, "I don't know, Maura. Is that why you didn't tell anyone." The only sound in the room was of Maura's ragged breaths. "Just tell me—"

"I was scared!" Maura shouted and Jane's mouth snapped shut. Maura rubbed her face, smudging the tears that had started to fall.

Jane took a small step forward and swallowed guiltily at forcing her wife into this state. She looked down to her feet, then back to her wife. "Maura—"

But Maura felt like she couldn't stop. It was like the more she spoken, the more she realized how much she hadn't actually processed her feelings. "I was scared that every time I closed my eyes the phone would wake me in the middle of the night to tell me you were _dead_."

"Baby." Jane reached for her hand, but it was harshly slapped away. The sting surprised her and her head snapped up as Maura continued to rant.

"I was scared to turn on the news and see your face under the words _another American soldier kidnapped_. I swear it wasn't intentionally but I couldn't help it. I was afraid you were never coming home to me."

"And you don't think I was scared, Maura?" Jane yelled, her voice squeaking slightly as her throat constricted. "I was terrified out of my fucking mind. _You_ were scared? You're not the one who had a deranged man, someone who was supposed to be on your side, have your back…"

Jane was pacing, hands running through her hair. Maura could see the other woman's eyes beginning to drift in and out of focus and she gasped slightly taking a step forward with her hands stretched toward the soldier. "Jane."

"No, you asked for this, right?" Jane said tilting her head and raising her hands in the air.

Maura couldn't say anything. If she said no she'd be lying, because since her wife was discharged she had wanted more than anything to know what happened to her overseas. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled."

But Jane continued. "Have you ever had to look someone in the face while they broke you? Drove fucking knives through your hands, break your nose, almost break your jaw…"

"Jane, slow down."

" _Janie you're not good enough for her. She needs a real man._ "

"Please. I need you to breathe."

"You want to talk about _scared,_ Maura? How about when he puts his knee on your fucking wind pipe until you _can't_ breathe!"

"Just let me—"

"No, just stop….I have to get out of here, before I say something I'm going to regret." Maura finally found her feet moving. She sprang forward, grabbing her wife's hand.

"Jane, please. Just stay. Just…" The solider slipped her hand away, but didn't walk out of the door. She stood tall, with her hands hanging at her sides and her shoulders shifting quickly. Maura walked slowly up to her, placing her hands on the muscles of her upper back. She could feel Jane's heart beating quickly under her finger tips and pressed harder, dropping her head to the middle of her wife's back. "Breathe, sweetheart."

"Fuck." Jane's voice shook much like her body trying to get herself under control. "I can't do this."

"Look at me," she said slowly turning Jane around and pressing her hands over Jane's heart. "You don't have to keep this inside. Just talk to me." When Jane began to protest Maura gripped her shoulder's. "I am _right_ here. Please, just tell me."

Jane finally opened her eyes, and Maura felt lightheaded. She looked up to Jane putting the information together. It wasn't until she brought her hands up around Jane's face that she realized she was shaking, too. "Maura," came the desperate grunt, the beginning of her wife trying to shut her emotions down. More of the piece of what Jane said started to lock together and she couldn't help the way her eyes snapped down to Jane's neck, a soft finger following.

"Oh, sweet girl." The next second Jane was in her arms, sobbing and Maura wished she had more strength to hold her tighter. Her wife repeated her name over and over.

"I can't…I can't tell you."

"Yes, you can." Maura stumbled back a little as Jane fell into her. The soldier kept pushing until the back of Maura's knees touched the bed. Once she finally gave in and sat on the mattress, Jane fell to her knees, her head in Maura's lap. Back and forth she rolled her head, wrapping her arms around her wife. Maura ran one hand through dark curls and gripped the back of the soldier's neck with the other, shushing the woman as her cries grew smaller. "What do you need?"

"You," came the small, immediate answer. Leaning down to press a kiss to her soldier's head, Maura held her tighter. She could feel hot tears soaking her nightgown and sweaty hands gripping her bare thighs underneath her gown.

"You have me," Maura whispered.

Jane's head slowly raised up and she bit her lip. "He told me I didn't." Maura remained quiet, slowly rocking them side to side. "He said you—Maura, I had to stop him. To get to you."

"Oh," Maura whimpered as she clung to the woman in front of her. "It's okay. I'm okay…" she whispered into Jane's ear. "It's okay."


End file.
